Closing time–or close enough. Quiet. Like it is deserted. A stark contrast to the bustle and sound of a million conversations just an hour before. The clink of Mah Jongg tiles, gone. The loud and rambunctious creative writing club packed up and promised to meet in a week.
I always feel awkward about this time. How long can I stay? I think the quiet is a cue for me to put my books and pens away, too. It’s strange how we respond to such things. The urge to leave grows. Are the employees looking at me?
Or is it me imagining it to give me further cause to uproot myself and move on? I’m not really ready to go. I’d like to see how long I can push it before the cashier throws me nasty looks. But I see another person engrossed in a book check their phone for the time and begin to stir. I finish off my cold Earl Grey and move to put some of my mess away. Pack my book in my Star Trek messenger bag. My journal.
How is it that there’s a pressure for me to act without any positive force for me to undertake the action? It makes me wonder how much of our behavior is based off of these kinds of implanted and often subconscious cues. Humans like to think that they have free will–but is it really “free?” What do we even mean by free?
I’ve always thought that there was no escaping the cause-and-effect nature of the universe, even in our own actions. It’s hard to pinpoint how, though. I know it’s easy to give inanimate objects agency, and I know how tempting substance dualism is. Then I notice a change in the music played overhead and it seems louder and more energetic than it has been.
Or maybe I’m only perceiving that.
Either way, I think closing time is approaching and I see fewer people than when I wrote the first sentence. I feel compelled to leave even though I do not need to.
Cause and effect, I suppose.
I’m at home cooking and cleaning and nursing back to health a visitor.
Busy, busy, busy. That’s all I have for today.
Well, my birthday came and went. I’m another year older as far as my physical body goes (my mind is still the young, chaotic thing it always was). I’ve come to realize that what I find most appealing about my birthdays is the camaraderie, which stands in stark contrast to what I liked as a child, which was presents and ice cream. It goes without saying that as much as I don’t want to really admit it, I have grown up.
I don’t know how other people feel when NaNoWriMo comes around, but I notice that the one thing that’s a pain in my ass is literally the pain in my ass. Sitting and writing and sitting and writing and taking a break by watching Stargate Atlantis and writing and more sitting.
But the end result is very satisfying.
The time for taking my Certified Nurse Aide test is coming up as well. I’m nervous about that because it feels like an extreme monolithic task. I really enjoyed the clinicals–it was a a vastly rewarding experience. The job is tough, and at times, extremely frustrating, but I like caring for people. Hopefully I’m still on track to get into a physician’s assistant program, but I’ve been a bit listless lately.
I can’t help but wonder if part of that isn’t because I’ve grown disenchanted with certain things lately. Politics, the news, certain branches of philosophy, the list goes on. Maybe it’s a natural consequence of critical thought and introspection. Maybe I feel restless and caged, and these old ideas are no longer appealing. What I can say is that I don’t find metaphysics too terribly interesting in anything outside of fiction, and only find epistemology a satisfying subject in the wide world of philosophy (outside of science, that is).
I hope that I’ll be taking up blogging more regularly, but I’ve said that many times in the past. I’ll try to stick with it this time, though. I’m serious.
I’ll be honest: my first attempt at blogging was a complete, abject failure. It wasn’t because I didn’t update it regularly, or that I neglected it. The problem was that I didn’t assign a specific direction to the blog and just posted whatever happened to be on my mind. After a while, it looked like the random hodge-podge of topics that one might find in an old, battered Trivial Pursuit box. While it was fun and provided a way for me to hone my writing skills, it proved to be somewhat disastrous. After all, a meandering blog filled with an overabundance of topics can’t really keep a target audience.
So, you may be asking, what does this have to do with A Rushed Joke? Why should I care? Is there a place around here a guy can get a drink?
I can answer the last question fairly easily: Ashley’s in downtown Ann Arbor, on State Street.
The first two questions are a bit trickier. Simply, my posts here have been spread across a number of topics. Proper blogging protocol suggests that I should find one topic that really interests me and focus on that, and as time goes on, narrow that focus even further. Some very successful blogs stick to one area of expertise and only deviate rarely. However, some of my favorite blogs have covered a wide range of topics very well. It’s a tricky proposition.
The decision I’m facing now is this: should I narrow the focus of this blog, or write about a full range of topics which are listed and adhered to? I think that because of the many different paths my life has taken, and the number of things which I’m interested and learning about, the best option will be to allow myself latitude and cover a number of topics. If I manage to get a larger readership I may consider focusing the blog more as time goes on.
Therefore, this is a comprehensive list of the topics I shall be covering regularly:
- Science Fiction: Reviews, essays, themes, news, etc.
- Video Games: Reviews, essays, news, etc.
- Movies: Reviews, essays, news, etc.
- Books: Reviews, essays, news, etc.
- Writing: Contests, creative endeavors, etc.
- Comedy: Stand-up, improvisation, ideas, etc.
Here is a list of topics which I shall cover less regularly:
- Television: reviews, essays (most likely covering only Doctor Who and other science fiction shows).
- Opera, musicals, and other such live entertainment.
- Politics and current events: Academic essays, critical analysis, scant election coverage.
- Updates on my own life and important events
On a more relevant note, I’ve never been too interested in specializing in one topic. The world is just too big and has so many interesting things. I’m not trying to win some sort of award for the “bestest blog evah! omglolz,” so perhaps I have more freedom to discuss a wider range of things.
Perhaps, as time goes on, I’ll make another ancillary blog to focus on one specific topic that I want to specialize in so it doesn’t get mixed with these musings. The internet is vast, so the only limitation I have is time.
Regardless, I hope you enjoy my blog. I don’t update it as often as I’d like, but I think that the content makes up for that.
This is an older story from Joystiq, but I thought it worthy of sharing anyway. Wayside Creations (website here is under construction), the people responsible for the rather entertaining YouTube video entitled Fallout: Nuka Break are seeking capital to create an entire webseries from this one video.
As a poor post-grad student, I haven’t nary a pence to give them, so I can only offer moral support.
One of the things I’m most interested in are the various “Fan Films” cropping up on sites like YouTube. The best, in my opinion, are the live-action films that are low-budget but very carefully filmed and lovingly made. There are a number of Half-Life 2 fan films that are masterfully done, as well as some based on games ranging from Max Payne to Resident Evil. Truthfully, I often enjoy these movies much more than big-budget Hollywood movies based on video games (lest we not forget the train wreck career of Uwe Boll–somewhat offset by Paul W.S. Anderson).
This gets me to another point: why do Hollywood producers think it necessary to divorce a movie based on a video game from the actual video game it is based on? Name any number of movies. Here are a few: Resident Evil, Max Payne, Tomb Raider, and Doom. Sure, these are all good movies, but if you’re honest about it you’ll admit that they bare precious little resemblance to the games that they’re based on.
You could make an argument based on artistic differences and repackaging a story for a wider audience, and I’ll grant that those arguments have some validity. Perhaps I’m just too attached to the video games because they had such a profound impact on me as I was playing them, and as I considered them.
The point stands, however, that most of these so-called “Fan Films” are absolutely fantastic.
So lately I haven’t been doing much with my blog. I have been writing, but the foibles of life and the minutia of a million little trifles has kept me busy.
With a Bachelor of Arts in English Language and Literature in hand and nary a clue as to what I actually want to do with my life, I have a lot of decisions to make. I find this exciting, to tell you the truth. I’ve always sort of thrived on the unknown, and I certainly don’t really know what the next five years will look like.
Not to say that I don’t have a plan. My plans rarely pan out, though, so I’m not putting to much stock in it. Perhaps I reach further than my grasp; this has been a consistent dilemma on my part. You might even call it my tragic flaw.
I’ve got a lot of material lined up that I want to post on this blog. A few outdated video game reviews that I want to publish anyway, plus an in-depth look at the story of Half-Life 2 and HL2 Episodes 1 and 2.
I might even through in a diatribe or two about the important issues of the day if I feel that particularly inclined.
Tomorrow I have to take my last undergraduate final exam, and it is, fittingly enough, in Spanish. I’ve been somewhat nostalgic about my college career; it’s been a time of great success, great trial, and a fair number of mildly annoying setbacks. At the risk of sounding like an after-school special, I’ll write that I think that the most important lesson I learned in these past five years is that identity is not a constant.
We all change and grow as we learn and experience new things. I’ve certainly learned quite a bit in class, and most important, outside of class. I would say that my conception of who I am now is nothing like it was when I was a freshman, sitting at my desk in Mary Markley Hall and banging my head against a wall, trying to figure out why I decided to take Japanese.
I suppose the purpose of this rambling introspective diatribe is just for me to say the following:
“I have made it.”